Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12.14 (NKJV)
If I tell someone I am trying to be holy, it is sometimes (maybe most times) perceived that I am conceited, arrogant and lying. Holiness seems to be a taboo status in the church despite the fact that we are called to holiness:
"You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy." Leviticus 19.2
"For I am the LORD your God. You shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and shall be holy; for I am holy." Leviticus 11.44
As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy."
1Peter 1.15-16 (The Message)
So what does it mean to be holy? Now, in it's highest sense, only God is holy. Therefore, understand that the Scriptures say "pursue", "strive to be" and "try to be" not "become". Thus, the first understanding we should get is that God is telling us to "pursue", "strive for", "try for" the continuous, gradual change that leads toward holiness.
Holiness is further defined as the state of sanctity or consecration to God, i.e. the state of being "set apart" for His use. If we believe that God created us and were are the only beings that He blew breathe (or spirit) into, then we must believe that He created and set us apart for His use.
How do I pursue holiness? Simply by obedience. Actually, if I am obedient to God, I can't help but become holy. See, holiness is not the objective; OBEDIENCE is. The way God initially set Israel apart from everyone else was by giving them a set of laws to obey:
"Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession . . . a holy nation." Exodus 19.5-6
We do not become holy then begin obeying, we obey and that obedience, by design, brings about sanctification (holiness) because the law was created to set God's people apart from the world (a nation unlike the rest . . . a holy nation.)
So, if obedience brings us closer to God, disobedience separates us. Wordliness is "the love of that which one finds attractive, appealing, or desirable without a corresponding love of righteousness" (Forerunners Commentary). And we know that disobedience is of the world, not God. Of course, being of free will, God knows that the allure of the world would on occassion suck us in - that's why He gave us grace and mercy and a Savior. But it is our responsibility to not use this as a crutch but as a ladder to climb closer to God. Again, we are only commandeded to PURSUE holiness not BECOME holy. Only God can make us holy and TRUE holiness will not be reached until we are face to face with God.
I am persuaded that holiness is where I wanna be. If I'm labeled a "holy roller," "holier than thou," or anything else that says I am set apart from the world, then I know that God's work is not in vain. The first thing I want people to see is the God in me and I hope that it inspires someone else to be in pursuit of being set apart to be used by God.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I get so weak . . .
For me, it wasn't hard to begin a life of sexual abstinence. I wasn't in a relationship or involved with anyone and God had already begun dealing with me to get me back on track. I like to believe that He said to Himself, "sex is the FIRST thing that's got to go in order for this girl to gain focus." God knew my struggles and in the midst of tearing me down helped me out by taking away my sexual urges completely during that time. See, He understood that when I was crying out for reconciliation with Him, I needed to be relieved of some struggles until I was strong enough to handle them.
Growing up in church, I was baptized as a child and reared on Scriptural teachings. As I grew older, I did what most of us did: I strayed, then returned when I was in my twenties with marraige and children on my mind. I submerged myself in church (yes, church not God) and was soon tripped up when someone stepped on my achilles heel: men and sex. [And I must clarify: the real weakness was the desire for a man in my life. The sex came as a means to this end - but this is the topic for another blog (coming soon)].
So I strayed. After the first few times of giving in to transgression, the guilt was a distant memory and I waded on out into the deep end of it. Then before I knew it, I was knocked down on my back and begging for God's unchanging hand. So He accepted me back into the fold and I dove back into doing church (yes, again, church not God) just to have my old friend show up and step on my heel once more.
But this time, I decided that I would no longer play with God. I'd keep trying to change and working overtime to be the person He wants me to be with no results. I was wasting His time. I began to think that maybe there are just some of us who can't be saved. Some of us that aren't going to make it to eternal life status. But it seemed as if God kept bothering me. Putting stuff on my mind, guilt eating away at me. And the more I felt guilty, the further I extended myself into sin, especially my favorite sin: sex.
I decided to "use what I got to get what I want," that I "don't need no man" and began treating men like conquests just to get the next fix and cover up the real desire burning inside of me. My life played out like a Trina rap lyric.
But God . . .
The Father has a plan for me. He wants my love and he has work for me to do. Now, He could get anyone to do His bidding, but He picked out something just for me, if I am willing. So, He sent someone to my house who spoke some things into my spirit that literally saved my life. And when I prayed through tears that I didn't want to go back to that old life like I've done many times before, He gave me access to books that explained why I kept falling and what I needed to do differently. He showed me that I can't change my heart, only He can. He showed me that I can't change overnight, rather, salvation is a process filled with trials and error. He helped me see that all I have to do is commit to Him, each day when I rise and each night before I go to sleep and He will do the changing for me. After all, if I could change myself why would I need Him?
The desire for sex returned shortly after I got myself on track but it doesn't make me feel discouraged. Because I indulged in fornication, I kept myself from having the one He prepared for me. So, now I must wait for Him to prepare us to meet again and if I'm ready this time, it will happen. During the waiting period, I suffer from the residue of sins past but God doesn't leave me hanging. He uses my weakness to make me stronger. I now surrender, daily, all of my shortcomings, struggles and strifes to my Elder Brother who promised to bear my cross as His own. Yes, I have encountered some opportunities that left me weak, but because I stay "prayed up" I am able to fight off failure until the weak moment passes.
I've said all of this to say, sexual abstinence may be the hardest struggle that Christian singles face. It has been drilled in us for years that it's okay, by our friends, our family and even our churches. But, God forbade it and He never set the law aside. So we must now stand firm on His Word, with His power, and be who He made us to be: "not conformed to this world, but transformed" (Rom 12.2)
Growing up in church, I was baptized as a child and reared on Scriptural teachings. As I grew older, I did what most of us did: I strayed, then returned when I was in my twenties with marraige and children on my mind. I submerged myself in church (yes, church not God) and was soon tripped up when someone stepped on my achilles heel: men and sex. [And I must clarify: the real weakness was the desire for a man in my life. The sex came as a means to this end - but this is the topic for another blog (coming soon)].
So I strayed. After the first few times of giving in to transgression, the guilt was a distant memory and I waded on out into the deep end of it. Then before I knew it, I was knocked down on my back and begging for God's unchanging hand. So He accepted me back into the fold and I dove back into doing church (yes, again, church not God) just to have my old friend show up and step on my heel once more.
But this time, I decided that I would no longer play with God. I'd keep trying to change and working overtime to be the person He wants me to be with no results. I was wasting His time. I began to think that maybe there are just some of us who can't be saved. Some of us that aren't going to make it to eternal life status. But it seemed as if God kept bothering me. Putting stuff on my mind, guilt eating away at me. And the more I felt guilty, the further I extended myself into sin, especially my favorite sin: sex.
I decided to "use what I got to get what I want," that I "don't need no man" and began treating men like conquests just to get the next fix and cover up the real desire burning inside of me. My life played out like a Trina rap lyric.
But God . . .
The Father has a plan for me. He wants my love and he has work for me to do. Now, He could get anyone to do His bidding, but He picked out something just for me, if I am willing. So, He sent someone to my house who spoke some things into my spirit that literally saved my life. And when I prayed through tears that I didn't want to go back to that old life like I've done many times before, He gave me access to books that explained why I kept falling and what I needed to do differently. He showed me that I can't change my heart, only He can. He showed me that I can't change overnight, rather, salvation is a process filled with trials and error. He helped me see that all I have to do is commit to Him, each day when I rise and each night before I go to sleep and He will do the changing for me. After all, if I could change myself why would I need Him?
The desire for sex returned shortly after I got myself on track but it doesn't make me feel discouraged. Because I indulged in fornication, I kept myself from having the one He prepared for me. So, now I must wait for Him to prepare us to meet again and if I'm ready this time, it will happen. During the waiting period, I suffer from the residue of sins past but God doesn't leave me hanging. He uses my weakness to make me stronger. I now surrender, daily, all of my shortcomings, struggles and strifes to my Elder Brother who promised to bear my cross as His own. Yes, I have encountered some opportunities that left me weak, but because I stay "prayed up" I am able to fight off failure until the weak moment passes.
I've said all of this to say, sexual abstinence may be the hardest struggle that Christian singles face. It has been drilled in us for years that it's okay, by our friends, our family and even our churches. But, God forbade it and He never set the law aside. So we must now stand firm on His Word, with His power, and be who He made us to be: "not conformed to this world, but transformed" (Rom 12.2)
Friday, June 19, 2009
I got two mouths to feed. . .
There lives inside of each believer two "men" - the carnal (or natural) and the spiritual. The carnal man is who we are born with, i.e. the flesh that is referred to in the Scriptures as "the old" (2Cor 5.17). The carnal man is steeped in sin. The spiritual man is the "new creation" spoken of in 2Cor 5.17 that is given upon conversion to a life with Christ. Since good and evil can not dwell together, as light and dark can not exist at the same time, these two are at constant war with each other for a place in our heart. Furthermore, just as our physical bodies need nourishment to grow, so do these two men.
I am reminded of two fish I bought my daughter. Every time we fed them, one would quickly eat up all of the food before the other could get any. Soon, the slow fish died from the lack of nourishment and the quick one grew quite large and had the aquarium all to himself. This is exactly what occurs with the two warring men inside of us.
When I fed myself with music, TV, books and people full of cursing, negativity, sex, drugs and greediness, my carnal man grew big and strong. So, it is no surprise that I was living a life of cursing, negativity, sex, drugs and greediness. And because of this life I was depressed, broke, hopeless and alone. When I ran to God for help and began to feed myself with music, TV, books and people talking about Scriptures, hope, purity, cleanliness and giving, my spiritual man grew big and strong. During these times I experienced joy, peace, hope and comfort. But, somehow the carnal man always showed back up.
This is the place I found myself several times during my walk with God. I would start out on fire and soon the flame would fizzle. I figured out that just as skipping meals will starve the body, skipping spiritual meals will starve the spiritual man. Growth is a process that continues until we die. Each day I must make a conscious decision to grow a little more. The Scriptures tell us so: 2Pet 3.18 "but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord . . ." Grow is defined as a process meaning something that takes place over time. So even if I am the pastor or the oldest member, I must continue on in the process until the end.
So, when I find myself repeating the same prayers to God or feeling frustrated and unhappy, I take a look at what I'm feeding my spiritual man. Maybe I'm sick and tired because I'm still snacking on the Word when I should be feasting on it. Maybe I'm still in the same economic situation because I'm nickle-and-diming God instead of trusting him to give till it hurts. And maybe I haven't started that venture God placed in my heart because I'm still asking someone else to pray for me instead of praying for others.
I am reminded of two fish I bought my daughter. Every time we fed them, one would quickly eat up all of the food before the other could get any. Soon, the slow fish died from the lack of nourishment and the quick one grew quite large and had the aquarium all to himself. This is exactly what occurs with the two warring men inside of us.
When I fed myself with music, TV, books and people full of cursing, negativity, sex, drugs and greediness, my carnal man grew big and strong. So, it is no surprise that I was living a life of cursing, negativity, sex, drugs and greediness. And because of this life I was depressed, broke, hopeless and alone. When I ran to God for help and began to feed myself with music, TV, books and people talking about Scriptures, hope, purity, cleanliness and giving, my spiritual man grew big and strong. During these times I experienced joy, peace, hope and comfort. But, somehow the carnal man always showed back up.
This is the place I found myself several times during my walk with God. I would start out on fire and soon the flame would fizzle. I figured out that just as skipping meals will starve the body, skipping spiritual meals will starve the spiritual man. Growth is a process that continues until we die. Each day I must make a conscious decision to grow a little more. The Scriptures tell us so: 2Pet 3.18 "but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord . . ." Grow is defined as a process meaning something that takes place over time. So even if I am the pastor or the oldest member, I must continue on in the process until the end.
So, when I find myself repeating the same prayers to God or feeling frustrated and unhappy, I take a look at what I'm feeding my spiritual man. Maybe I'm sick and tired because I'm still snacking on the Word when I should be feasting on it. Maybe I'm still in the same economic situation because I'm nickle-and-diming God instead of trusting him to give till it hurts. And maybe I haven't started that venture God placed in my heart because I'm still asking someone else to pray for me instead of praying for others.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Seek me and live . . .
Now this is what the Lord says . . . Seek me and live. -Amos 5.4
My pastor gave us homework for Bible Study: write out a personal plan of action for spiritual growth. He wants us to consider our spiritual lives and discover the areas that need strengthening. As I contemplated my plan I knew the first place I needed to go was The Scriptures. God has given us a complete instruction manual for our lives in Christ and I would be remiss if I didn't use it.
Now, as we discussed our relationship with God during Bible Study, I recalled the one thing that kept me from growing spiritually: a lack of understanding. Although I was baptized at age 9 and grew up in the Church, just a couple of years ago I was prepared to walk away from God for good. I thought that He was wasting His time with me. Every time I got close to Him, something would change and I wound up back in the world, totally immersed and loving it. I knew verses and passages and church etiquette but I didn't know the only thing that mattered: "No it's not I, but the Christ that lives in me."
The first step to spiritual growth is understanding that a changed heart, a changed mind and changed behavior do NOT come from within yourself. God did not say change the way you act and come to me. All He requires us to do is love Him (Matt 22.37), believe in Him (Acts 16.30-31) and He will do the rest. Gal 2. 19 - 21 explains it perfectly . . .
What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily. (The Message Translation)
But how do you let go and let God? Seek Him daily:
Seek the Lord and live . . . Amos 5.6
Seek good and not evil . . . Amos 5.14
Seek first His Kingdom . . .Matt 6.33
Ask . . . Seek . . . Knock . . . Matt 7.7
Seek is defined as strive after, go to, aim at. The Message translation says "Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions . . . Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now. . ." So in order to let God be in control we must immerse ourselves in God: what He's doing, what He's done, what He says and who He is.
When we finally dive into God's presence and let it envelop every aspect of our living, we will then see the Holy Spirit in action, urging us, guiding us, comforting us, calling things to our remembrance, bracing us, calming us and completely leading us down a different path. Our will and desires will begin to align with God's purpose for our lives. Soon we will stop serving God just for the next blessing and start living for God so that we can spend eternity in His presence.
My Spiritual Growth Action Plan
Get in God's presence upon awaking each morning through devotion and prayer
Practice tithing my time in addition to my money
Journal my thoughts, observations and knowledge gained from devotions and study
Pray for others when I feel down or stand in need
Practice being silent before God
(Please feel free to add suggestions or share your plan with me.)
My pastor gave us homework for Bible Study: write out a personal plan of action for spiritual growth. He wants us to consider our spiritual lives and discover the areas that need strengthening. As I contemplated my plan I knew the first place I needed to go was The Scriptures. God has given us a complete instruction manual for our lives in Christ and I would be remiss if I didn't use it.
Now, as we discussed our relationship with God during Bible Study, I recalled the one thing that kept me from growing spiritually: a lack of understanding. Although I was baptized at age 9 and grew up in the Church, just a couple of years ago I was prepared to walk away from God for good. I thought that He was wasting His time with me. Every time I got close to Him, something would change and I wound up back in the world, totally immersed and loving it. I knew verses and passages and church etiquette but I didn't know the only thing that mattered: "No it's not I, but the Christ that lives in me."
The first step to spiritual growth is understanding that a changed heart, a changed mind and changed behavior do NOT come from within yourself. God did not say change the way you act and come to me. All He requires us to do is love Him (Matt 22.37), believe in Him (Acts 16.30-31) and He will do the rest. Gal 2. 19 - 21 explains it perfectly . . .
What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily. (The Message Translation)
But how do you let go and let God? Seek Him daily:
Seek the Lord and live . . . Amos 5.6
Seek good and not evil . . . Amos 5.14
Seek first His Kingdom . . .Matt 6.33
Ask . . . Seek . . . Knock . . . Matt 7.7
Seek is defined as strive after, go to, aim at. The Message translation says "Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions . . . Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now. . ." So in order to let God be in control we must immerse ourselves in God: what He's doing, what He's done, what He says and who He is.
When we finally dive into God's presence and let it envelop every aspect of our living, we will then see the Holy Spirit in action, urging us, guiding us, comforting us, calling things to our remembrance, bracing us, calming us and completely leading us down a different path. Our will and desires will begin to align with God's purpose for our lives. Soon we will stop serving God just for the next blessing and start living for God so that we can spend eternity in His presence.
My Spiritual Growth Action Plan
Get in God's presence upon awaking each morning through devotion and prayer
Practice tithing my time in addition to my money
Journal my thoughts, observations and knowledge gained from devotions and study
Pray for others when I feel down or stand in need
Practice being silent before God
(Please feel free to add suggestions or share your plan with me.)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
No, really, it's not okay . . .
It's funny how people react to my declaration of abstinence: slacked mouths, bucked eyes and (yes)shaking heads. I've become the brunt of jokes, the receiver of rejection and (I'm sure) the topic of many discussions. To most of us, sex is essential to life - like air, food and water - and even the thought of going without can make the strongest among us tremble. But there is one thing opposers say that I agree with: not having sex is "unnatural." Wellll, yeah . . .
Not fulfilling my flesh's desire is VERY UNnatural, because the desire itself is carnal, i.e. of the flesh . . .NATURAL. In Galatians 5's listing of the manifestations of the flesh, sexual immorality is dealt with first (adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness) and I am commanded not to give in to the desires of the flesh but to be clothed in Christ (Rom 13.14). Yet - even in the church - fornication is seen as okay, just a minor infraction. Something that God understands and has to forgive.
Yet, when a girl or woman gets pregnant outside of marriage, or two men decide they want to be together, or you see the preacher gambling away the offering, or the Sunday school teacher cusses somebody out . . . we grab our chests in disbelief. We talk about the person who hasn't been to church since Easter and roll our eyes at the dope smokers and club hoppers, but we sit next to our live-in mates every Sunday on the third pew and never even flinch. All because somewhere along the way the world's view of sexuality replaced what the Word says about it in the hearts of believers.
The Word says that none of us who practice unrighteousness will join in His Kingdom
(1Cor 6.9-10). And this passage lists more than just homosexuals, thieves and liars - the sexually immoral are included, too. Rev 21.8 says that not only will the unbelieving have a place in hell, but so shall the whore mongers. So, if the Bible tells us sex outside of marriage is wrong, why do believers think it's okay? Did I miss the memo God sent overriding His Word? NO! God doesn't change (Mal 3.6a) and neither do His principles for our lives.
So, I take a stand for God and His Word. I choose to honor Him with my body by abstaining from sex while I am single. I will be tempted and my fleshly desires will rise up, but I will "stay awake and pray for strength against temptation" (Matt 26.41) and God has promised me a way of escape (1Cor 10.13). Yes, even after two babies and years of indulgence, I embrace redemption and change. And, yes, even if He never allows me to be married, I will live out my life for Christ. Do you really think He won't give me the power to do it?
Not fulfilling my flesh's desire is VERY UNnatural, because the desire itself is carnal, i.e. of the flesh . . .NATURAL. In Galatians 5's listing of the manifestations of the flesh, sexual immorality is dealt with first (adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness) and I am commanded not to give in to the desires of the flesh but to be clothed in Christ (Rom 13.14). Yet - even in the church - fornication is seen as okay, just a minor infraction. Something that God understands and has to forgive.
Yet, when a girl or woman gets pregnant outside of marriage, or two men decide they want to be together, or you see the preacher gambling away the offering, or the Sunday school teacher cusses somebody out . . . we grab our chests in disbelief. We talk about the person who hasn't been to church since Easter and roll our eyes at the dope smokers and club hoppers, but we sit next to our live-in mates every Sunday on the third pew and never even flinch. All because somewhere along the way the world's view of sexuality replaced what the Word says about it in the hearts of believers.
The Word says that none of us who practice unrighteousness will join in His Kingdom
(1Cor 6.9-10). And this passage lists more than just homosexuals, thieves and liars - the sexually immoral are included, too. Rev 21.8 says that not only will the unbelieving have a place in hell, but so shall the whore mongers. So, if the Bible tells us sex outside of marriage is wrong, why do believers think it's okay? Did I miss the memo God sent overriding His Word? NO! God doesn't change (Mal 3.6a) and neither do His principles for our lives.
So, I take a stand for God and His Word. I choose to honor Him with my body by abstaining from sex while I am single. I will be tempted and my fleshly desires will rise up, but I will "stay awake and pray for strength against temptation" (Matt 26.41) and God has promised me a way of escape (1Cor 10.13). Yes, even after two babies and years of indulgence, I embrace redemption and change. And, yes, even if He never allows me to be married, I will live out my life for Christ. Do you really think He won't give me the power to do it?
Friday, May 8, 2009
Lord, Help My Unbelief . . .
In my last blog, I introduced my new struggle: unbelief. The most important thing that God has taught me is that I can not change myself nor will the change occur immediately. I never understood this ideal before and so, in the past when I would stumble and fall, I never even bothered getting up. Now, I am redeemed and have a good understanding of how the Christian walk will go. When I pray for God to search me and remove what hinders my walk with Him (Psalm 139:23-34), He shows me a fault and guides me on how to correct it. Each new "search and rescue mission" is ordered to prune the most pressing issue that separates me from Him. Once that dead limb is gone, I am one step closer and the way is a little clearer. His devine design for shaping me is ordered in a way that ensures growth and prepares me for the next phase of my Christian life. So, now it's time for me to deal with true belief. Even though believing is the first step of salvation (Acts 16: 30 - 31), continued belief and a deep understanding of belief is needed to make it to the finish. Merriam-Webster defines belief as a state or habit of the mind. This definition makes it plain: state and habit both denote that belief is constant and continued. Belief and its synonym faith both imply an assent, or a moving toward something usually after careful thought and consideration. In essence, belief is the eventual forming of a habit of having confidence in someone or something. So, belief in God is the eventual forming of a habit of having confidence in Him after careful thought and consideration. This can only occur with meditation on His Word (careful thought) and acts of obedience to God in return for His acts of kindness toward me (the definition of consideration). In summation, belief is a spiritual muscle that must be exercised in order to be strengthened. Without a strong belief a Christian is doomed to fall. With this, it's no surprise to me that my belief is weak and I now know that this is how God wants it to be so that I will continue to meditate on His word and pray. So, being an unbelieving believer is not an oxymoron. Rather, it's a state I need to be in order to reach my devinely purposed place in His Kingdom. God has plans for me and until I am in place, He can't move. Therefore, I revel in my unbelief so that God can grow me out of it and closer to Him.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
An Unbelieving Believer . . .
How can I believe but be unbelieving? My eyes have seen, my ears have heard, my mind knows . . . but my heart isn't convinced. This occurred to me when I thought about the question my pastor has commissioned us to ask others: If you died today, do you know where your soul will spend eternity? This is supposed to make unbelievers really consider the risk of not having a relationship with Christ. Fortunately, it made me (a believer) consider the same. A couple of years ago, I avoided this line of thinking with the elusiveness prey gives the predator. I was at the point then that I just didn't believe in myself and didn't understand the power of God. I knew I wasn't going to heaven but yet continued in sin. Even at my darkest hours, I knew God was chasing me and I refused to entertain His invite. I begged Him off, literally screaming "Please just leave me alone!" Looking back, and considering my present, the fact that He never relented makes me shout! Yet, that question Pastor wants us to ask others to consider frightens me. I am ashamed to admit it, but I don't completely believe Heaven is where I'll spend eternity. I would like to think that I'll go to Heaven, but in my heart I simply don't believe. So, the Spirit has placed this in my heart, not to trip me up, not to make me doubt God, but to help me learn how to believe. In Mark 9.14 - 27, a man brings his son to Jesus asking for the demons that live in the boy to be removed. The man asked for Jesus' help, but showed his doubt when he said, " . . . if you can . . ." Jesus looked at the man, considering his audacious question, and replied, "What do you mean 'If you can?'" Jesus questioned the father to illuminate the fact that he came to Him for help, but with a doubting spirit. How many times is this happenining between Jesus and me? I seek Him daily, follow the indwelling Spirit, but still wonder where my soul will spend eternity? I go on and on about God and how he has changed me but I still can't believe that I will spend my eternal life with Him. How dangerous it is for me to continue in pseudo-belief! James 1.6-8 says I must believe and not doubt, because doubting makes me double-minded and unstable and unable to receive anything from the Lord. So, I welcome this new chaos that has errupted in my soul so that I can study God's Word for help to remove my lingering foot from Egypt and fully - finally - take my entire self into the Promised Land.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
