Haunted By My Past . . .

I've been wrestling with my past. Crying out to God, "How long will I have to suffer for what I have been forgiven for?" I prayed on this, and God gave me a name: Paul. Paul dealt with past sin, yet he was arguably the most prolific preacher ever. As I delved into his past I realized, who am I to complain? Before Paul was a preacher he was Saul - a murderer, a blasphemer, the chief of sinners, who lived without a conscience. After God lifted him up, he sacrificed and suffered until the end. He left his home, lost his friends, his country and the life that he had planned. What have I lost? He suffered greatly through beatings, stoning, and through perils at sea, in the wilderness and coming up against people who purely hated him for what he had done in persecuting Christians before his conversion. He was a crippled little man whose appearance was less than desireable and he suffered all of his life with a "thorn" in his flesh that God refused to remove. How can my sacrifices and sufferings compare? Then I think of Jesus. He made the ultimate sacrifice! How can I kvetch and moan about the little things I go through, the troubles in my life that I caused, when Jesus suffered and sacrificed for me, and was totally blameless. God has put me where he needs me. He removed my past from his thoughts and is building the woman he needs me to be. Each and every sacrifice, suffering and past mistake is being used by God to further HIS purpose for my life. A purpose that is not aimed at making my life richer or easier or grander, but a purpose that is aimed at making the Kingdom better. Because the ultimate goal is not to have a great life on earth, but to have a holy eternal life with God! Thank you, God, for correcting me. As I celebrate the rising of my Redeemer, help me to be thankful for what he did for me. And if I suffer for what I did in the past, let me count it all as joy. For the day is coming when I shall suffer no more! Bless the Lamb of God!!!