For those who read my blogs, I offer an apology for the recent lack of reading material. I have been given work to do toward my ministry that has taken precedence, thus, no word has been given to me for a blog. That is, until this very minute. . .

I have spent the last year and a half searching, seeking, petitioning God for my purpose. And just as God always does, He has answered. I go before Him each day, renewing my commitment to surrender my will and take up His so that His purpose in my life can be fulfilled. So, naturally, I have rejoiced in receiving directions for my ministry. I am excited to be used by God!

I have taken the last few weeks to focus on what He needs me to know, to learn, and to do to birth this endeavor. I have prayed, fasted and listened so that God would direct my paths and move me out of the way so that His glory will be all that is seen through my ministry. But I have been feeling like there is something I have left undone, and just a few moments ago God showed me what it is.

When Satan sees progress in your walk with God, when he sees that something is about to happen that will grow God's Kingdom, he has to try and stop it. I have shared before that when I first reconciled with God, He took away the desire and opportunity for companionship immediately in order for me to focus on Him. God knew that this was the one thing that hinders my walk - the biggest weakness that gets me off track. Now that I am stronger in Christ, the desire to share my life with someone has returned, but I have learned how to deal with it. Yet, recently, Satan has been sending opportunities my way, and although I have managed to stay focused on my task, he has still gained ground in stifling my progress.

See, seeking companionship isn't just a weakness that hinders my walk - it's also a weakness that strengthens my walk. God has put me in a season of singleness in order to birth my ministry. He has taken my struggle, my trials, my falls and my stumbles and turned them into bricks and cement to form my testimony on which my ministry will be built. Psalm 110.1 says that God will make your enemies your footstool. My enemies are Satan's lies. Lies that tell me I need to be with a man to feel complete; that I need a man to help me pay the bills and take care of my kids; that the only way I'll ever be able to get ahead financially is with the help of a man. As long as those lies live in the recesses of my mind, I am giving Satan a foothold.

Now, lately I had come to really believe that my faith lies in what God has for me and not in what want for myself. But God is so faithful that He allows us to be tested to show us where we are falling short. I have been in the midst of a test and I just came out a winner!

For the last few weeks, I had been in touch with an old guy friend with whom I'd only gone out with once. He is a nice guy: good job, funny, a gentleman, etc. I was tempted to pick up where we left off. I began preparing myself to be careful about staying prayed up so as not to compromise my faith and growth in Christ. Now, this all sounds good, the proper thing to do to avoid falling, but there is just one problem . . .

How quickly I have forgotten that this isn't what God wants for me! Didn't I just say a couple of paragraphs ago that "God has put me in a season of singleness in order to birth my ministry"? Our Father just used what Satan meant for bad to awaken me for my good.

God has revealed to me that I have to claim what He has for me. I have been hesitant about telling guys that proposition me the real reason I am single. I have avoided giving them my testimony and as a result I have avoided being obedient to God. Apart of my minsitry is sharing with others where God had brought be from, where is has me now and why His has me where I am. My first ministry is to be a witness, but I have been a coward. I haven't told those guys about the change God has made in me and that I am single because God wants me that way. I have avoided telling them that I am single by design (not by choice) because my Father has plans for me.

It is important that we stand in obedience to God. One of those guys could have been inspired by my witness and given his life to Christ. Even if everyone rejected me, laughed at me or talked about me, someone could have thought back on the conversation one day and decided they wanted to make a change. Everything that God has us do, puts us through and brings us out of is a testimony that could change someone's life.

So, at this moment, I have received a refreshing of my faith. God has renewed a right spirit in me. I am going forth with a new holy boldness so that I can be in obedience through witnessing with my testimony. I have decided to let that guy know REALLY why I am single. I am single by design and happy to be used by ABBA!